chaos

it has been chaos for months now. 

since march.

i don’t think anyone really saw it coming although I know there had been research and articles it hadn’t been named yet.

It is now.

COVID 19 ... global pandemic.

I call it chaos because that is what has happened. 

around the world, even experts, not knowing and disagreeing on how to fight it, win against it.

so many deaths. 

such loss in life, jobs, homes.

i try to hold onto the littlest things now.

Beginning Again

I’ve been gone so long.

So much has changed and some things stay the same.

Lost in a newness that even years later I can’t find a way ... my way.

Maybe here I can explore again. 

blind belief

blind belief
I still wish I had this
it was so much easier
than this questioning
which plagues me

21 years

21 years ago you left
I still feel you near me
but the hurt and missing are sharp today
no one will ever take your place
I miss you mom

giggling

I smell of IcyHot today
the detriment of a very sore back
I happen to like the smell

the real me

I am such a contradiction that I am often left wondering,
 "Who is the real me?!"

three words

... nothing feels right

just three words on the screen
they said everything
and in an instant tears poured down
someone ... somewhere
understands